12 AM | 16 Jan

Aviation Guide

Takeoff’s are optional. Landings are mandatory.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back — then they get bigger again)

Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.

It’s best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

Every one already knows the definition of a ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a ‘great’ landing. It’s one after which you can use the airplane another time.

The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

You know you’ve landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.

Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.

A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down – all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can’t really fly – they’re just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Trust your captain …. but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.

Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.

There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

It’s easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.

A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.

Remember, you’re always a student in an airplane.

Keep looking around; there’s always something you’ve missed.

Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!

Gravity never loses — the best you can hope for is a draw!

You start out flying with a bag of luck and a bag of experience, the trick is to get your bag of experience full before your bag of luck is empty.

12 AM | 28 Feb

Pick your favorite

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.

Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.

If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

12 AM | 03 Feb

Speeding

The cop got out of his car and went over to the other vehicle.

The kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well… I got here as fast as I could!”

Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Curtis

12 AM | 26 Feb

What time is it?

A couple was on vacation when they realized they had left their watches at the hotel. They saw a man resting with his donkey and asked him if he knew what time it was. The man looked up and grabbed the donkeys balls, lifted them up and said, “Well it looks like it’s 2:10 in the afternoon.” The couple amazed at the mans ability to tell time by lifting the donkeys balls, asked, “How can you tell time by lifting the donkeys balls?” The man said, “It’s very easy, first you lift the donkeys balls like this,” he then lifted them as the couple watched. “O.K” The man said, “Now you can see the clock on the wall over there.”

12 AM | 21 Feb

Were you drinking?

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”