Roger and Charlie emerged from he clubhouse to tee off at the first hole, but Roger looked distracted. “Anything the matter?” Charlie asked. “Na, it’s just that I can’t stand the club pro,” Roger replied. “He’s just been trying to correct my stance.” “He’s only trying to help your game,” Charlie soothed. “Yeah, but I was using the urinal at the time.”
why did the man fall over? because he ran to fast
Jesus, Moses and Elijah were feeling good one day so they decided to go golfing.
Jesus being Jesus always gets to tee off first. They get to the 7th hole, which is a long par 5 with a creek running across it at about 240 yards. Jesus gets up to tee off and selects his driver. Moses asks Jesus if he is going to try to drive across the creek and Jesus says that he is feeling so good that he thinks he can make it. So Jesus tees off and it is a long drive but it lands in the middle of the creek. Jesus asks Moses to part the water of the creek so he can retrieve his ball saying, “You know how much I hate to lose a ball.” So Moses parts the waters of the creek and the ball is retrieved. Jesus tees it up again and because he is Jesus he gets unlimited mulligans. Jesus says he is going to try to drive the creek again. Moses responds, “Ok, but I am not going to help you get it back again!” Jesus hits tee shot again and sure enough kerr plop it lands in the creek again. So he goes down and is walking on the water looking for his ball.
Meanwhile back at the tee the following foursome has reached the tee.
One of the golfers says to Moses, “Look at that guy walking on the water. Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?”
Moses responds, “No, he thinks he is Tiger Woods.”
Michael barrymore has offered manchester united ï¿½1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 a******* jumping up and down.
There were two old boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing.
They’d heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re going to need an ice pick.”
So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re going to need another dozen ice picks.”
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.
In about an hour, he was back. “We’re going to need all the ice picks you’ve got.”
The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”
“Not very well at all,” he said. “We don’t even have the boat in the water yet.”