The Lambert’s were shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Lambert made it
clear he was in a big hurry. “No fancy stuff, Doctor,” he ordered. “No gas or
needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”
“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you,” said the dentist
admiringly. “Now, which tooth is it?”
Mr. Lambert turned to his wife Jenny: “Show him your tooth, Honey.”
10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.8. Crying can be fun.7. FAT CLOTHES. 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:1. OTHER WOMEN!Send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends.
How do you know when a sorority girl is a nymphomaniac?
She’ll make love the same day she had her hair done.
Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
4. Small talk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild.
Then their was this fellow who loved his wife’s butt so much, that he
was constantly telling her what Beautiful Buns she had.
He would come home from work and compliment her on her Beautiful Buns; as
she was doing the dishes he would expound on the virtues of her Beautiful
Buns; even at church, he would lean over over and whisper to her what he
wanted to do with those Beautiful Buns.
When his birthday arrived, the wife wanted to do something really
special, she decided to have the words “Beautiful Buns” tatooed to her
She went down to the tatoo parlor, but they said it would cost $500. This
being a bit more than he was prepared to spend, she asked what she could
get for $50.
After a bit of discussion they decided that for $50 the guy
would tatoo just a “B” and a “B” on each cheek.
That evening when her husband walked in the door, she immediatly turned
around, dropped her pants, and said “Happy Birthday!”
Her husband said “Who the hell is Bob?”