12 AM | 01 Jan

Dentist office

The Lambert’s were shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Lambert made it clear he was in a big hurry. “No fancy stuff, Doctor,” he ordered. “No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”

“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you,” said the dentist admiringly. “Now, which tooth is it?”

Mr. Lambert turned to his wife Jenny: “Show him your tooth, Honey.”

12 AM | 02 Jan

10 things only women understand

10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.8. Crying can be fun.7. FAT CLOTHES. 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:1. OTHER WOMEN!Send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends.

12 AM | 13 Jan

Top 10 reasons COMPILERS must be female

10. Picky, picky, picky. 9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean. 8. Beauty is only shell deep. 7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”. 6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed. 5. Always turning simple statements into big productions. 4. Small talk is important. 3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong. 2. They make you take the garbage out. 1. Miss a period and they go wild.

12 AM | 08 Jan

Then their was this fellow who loved his wife’s…

Then their was this fellow who loved his wife’s butt so much, that he was constantly telling her what Beautiful Buns she had.

He would come home from work and compliment her on her Beautiful Buns; as she was doing the dishes he would expound on the virtues of her Beautiful Buns; even at church, he would lean over over and whisper to her what he wanted to do with those Beautiful Buns.

When his birthday arrived, the wife wanted to do something really special, she decided to have the words “Beautiful Buns” tatooed to her butt.

She went down to the tatoo parlor, but they said it would cost $500. This being a bit more than he was prepared to spend, she asked what she could get for $50.

After a bit of discussion they decided that for $50 the guy would tatoo just a “B” and a “B” on each cheek.

That evening when her husband walked in the door, she immediatly turned around, dropped her pants, and said “Happy Birthday!”

Her husband said “Who the hell is Bob?”