There’s the story about the man that walks into a house of ill repute in Reno and says, ‘I’ll give $20,000 to any woman here who’ll come into the desert with me and do it MY way.’ One of the ladies agrees, and off they go driving into the desert. After about an hour she gets curious, and asks him ‘Just what is your way?’ ‘On credit.’
A guy stops by to visit his friend. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, “My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go upstairs and get me my sneakers please?”
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend’s daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says, “Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have anal sex with you.”
They stare at him and say, “That can’t be!” He replies, “OK, let’s check!” He shouts at his friend down the stairs, “Both of them?”
The father shouts back, “Yes, both of them!”
Airy Sex Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
“It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.
“Well I can see that,” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”
“Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.”
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”
“But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”
“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”
“Oh crap!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared and she asked shyly, ”What’s that?” pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, ”Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.” And she, in amazement, asked, ”Is that all we have left?”
Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat? A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Everynight I have been drinking lately, I have wound up drinking so much I end up blowing chunks….I need to lock that poor dog up before I start drinking next time!
Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, “My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!” And the woman was thinking to herself, “My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!”
As twins were getting married, on the same day, they couldn’t find a place for their hunny moon. So they asked their mom where they should go. The mom said they should stay at her house for a few days. SO, the first night went by and the mom went up to the doors and said to the first girl, “hunny are you in there?” The gurl replied, “Yes!” The mom went to the second grls door and said, “Hunny are you in there?” She replied “OOH YESS!” So the next night she went to the rooms and said to the first grl “Hunny are you in there?” She replied “OH YES OH YES” The mom went to the second grl and said “HUNNY are you in there?” There was no answer and so the mom asked in the morning.. “Why didn’t you answer me last night?” The grl replied, “Mom, you told me never to talk w/ my mouth full!” HaHa* Rate My Joke!*