12 AM | 24 Jan

20 Reasons Throwing Up is Better than Dorm Food

After you throw up, you feel better.

You can throw up whenever you want.

When you throw up, you don’t have to wait in line.

Throw-up is always warm.

You don’t have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.

When you’re throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.

You can lose weight throwing up.

You don’t have to pay to throw up.

Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

When you throw up, you don’t have to come back for seconds.

You don’t have to throw up everyday.

Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

You can throw up without a photo ID.

Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

They don’t ration throw-up.

After you throw up, at least you know what you’ve eaten.

Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

You don’t have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

A dog will eat throw-up.

After you throw up, at least there’s some taste in your mouth.

12 AM | 11 Feb

Steak ‘n Eggs

There was this fried egg walking down the street in Havana

minding its own business. It hears some noise behind it,

turns around, and sees a crowd of hungry Cubans in the

distance bearing down on it.

It runs away as fast as its little fried egg legs will

go, when it sees a steak. It yells to the steak, “Run

away! Run away! They’ll get you too!” but the steak just

laughs and says, “Shit, they won’t even recognize me!”

12 AM | 31 Mar

Banana Loaf

2 laughing eyes

2 bowing arms

2 well-shaped legs

2 firm milk containers

1 fur-lined mixing bowl

1 banana

Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick the bowl.

WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN !