I hate when people say supposevly. What the hell is supposevly? Do you mean supposedly? Also, do you know how stupid you sound when you say, “I could care less!”? Saying this means that you do care, and that it is possible for you to care less. What you mean to say is, “I could NOT care less!”. Just a couple quick grammar lessons for idiots.
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.”Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked!””That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday?”
What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.- Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.- Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor…
Did you hear about the constipated accountant who tried to work it out with a pencil?
Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.
Cooke’s Law: In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.” The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”