Hubbard’s Law: Don’t take life too seriously; you won’t get out of it alive.
Sayings you’d like to see on office inspirational posters:
If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
If you think we’re a bad firm, you should see our rivals!
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings — they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity … probably has a scapegoat.
ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE…..
We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
If at first you don’t succeed — try management.
It’s only unethical if you get caught.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Never quit until you have another job.
Work harder slaves!
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
If you can read this, you’re not working!
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile – It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
Pride, commitment, teamwork — words we use to get you to work for free.
Succeed in spite of management.
Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.
There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore.
What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Harrisberger’s Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.
Goebel’s Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
I hate when people say supposevly. What the hell is supposevly? Do you mean supposedly? Also, do you know how stupid you sound when you say, “I could care less!”? Saying this means that you do care, and that it is possible for you to care less. What you mean to say is, “I could NOT care less!”. Just a couple quick grammar lessons for idiots.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The > brain
> > said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and
> > functions.”
> > > >>The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and
> > him where he wants to go.” The hands said, “We should be the Boss
> > do all the work and earn all the money.”
> > > >>And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes
> > finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the
> > asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself
> > and refused to work.
> > > >>Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the
> > feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
> > > >>Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so
> > motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
> > sat and passed out the shit.
> > > >>Management Lesson?
> > > >>You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any asshole will do.
If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.