12 PM | 17 Feb

Bush Research

A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin.

G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call.

He was half-asleep when he answered the phone.

Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I’m conducting a survey

GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.

Reseacher: Political, sir?

GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?

Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask —

GW Bush: What is this about?

Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI.

GW BUSH: I’ve never tried Pepsi. Is that a new thing?

05 AM | 12 Feb

There’s an old saying

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee � I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee � that says, fool me once, shame on � shame on you. Fool me � you can’t get fooled again.” �George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002″See, we love � we love freedom. That’s what they didn’t understand. They hate things; we love things. They act out of hatred; we don’t seek revenge, we seek justice out of love.” �George W. Bush, Oklahoma City.

09 AM | 20 Feb

Puzzler in Chief

Cheney gets a call from his “boss”, W.

“I’ve got a problem,” says W.

“What’s the matter?” asks Cheney.

“Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”

“What’s it a picture of?” asks Cheney.

“A big rooster,” replies W.

“All right,” sighs Cheney, “I’ll come over and have a look.”

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.

01 PM | 24 Feb

G.W.Bush was very depressed

G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, “Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you.” She calls Tony Blair in and asks, “Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” Tony Blair replies, “It’s me!” So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, “Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Cheney says, “Wow, that’s a tough one. Let me get back to you.” So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, “Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Colin Powell says, “It’s me!” So Cheney calls Bush and says, “It’s Colin Powell.” And Bush says, “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”

09 AM | 14 Feb

Bush says stupid things:

‘Are you with us, or are you with the puffins?’ December 23, 2002

“The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for entrepreneur.”

“So what state is Wales in?”

“The important question is, How many hands have I shacked?” “This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It’s what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve.” Speaking during “Perseverance Month” at Fairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000. “The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.” “Today we are in London, England. Tomorrow we are off to Genoa, Salami.”

“Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.”

“Anyway, I’m so thankful, and so gracious – I’m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.” – June 4, 2001

“They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it’s some kind of federal program.”

“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”

“I do know I’m ready for the job. And, if not, that’s just the way it goes.”

“I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It’s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.”

“Laura and I really don’t realize how bright our children is sometimes”

“This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot.”

“I’ve coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically.”

“I’m running for President because I’m running for President”

“We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself.” – At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000 “I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.” – Jan. 29, 2001. “And there’s no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail.” – to labor department employees, Oct. 4, 2001.

06 AM | 18 Feb

George Gets Advice

One night, George W. Bush was awakened by the ghost of George Washington.

Bush asked, “George, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

The next night, Bush was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

“Tom, now that I am elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?” asked Bush.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advised.

The next night, Bush saw another figure moving in the shadows. This time it was the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

“Abe, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?” asked Bush.

“Go to the theatre!” Abe replied.