11 AM | 21 Feb

Dumbblonde

this blonde and her husband were sittin at home watchin tv and the mailman knocks on the door and says “mailman”.the blonde tells her husband and he said “fuck the maillman!!”.he went upstairs and he came bac downstairs and he found her and the mailman on the couch havin sex.hahahahaha

03 AM | 13 Feb

This little piggie went to the bar

So this pig walks into the bar and orders a beer. He pays, sits there quietly drinking, then orders another. And another. And another and another. This goes one for quite a few hours, and the bartender notices that the pig never visits the men’s room. Finally, the pig gets up to leave, and the bartender asks him how he could drink so much and never visit the bathroom.The pig explains, “Well, I’m the piggy that goes wee wee wee all the way home!”

11 AM | 27 Feb

Alligator shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Submitted by Curtis Edited by Yisman

09 AM | 27 Feb

2 Crows

Two crows were sitting on a plough handle. Suddenly they spotted a sandwich in the field. They flew down and were delighted to find that it was Bologna! They gorged themselves and flew back to the plough for a snooze. Unfortunately they were quickly awakened by a gunshot as the farmer tried to scare away the crows in his cornfield. Our two friends tried to join the flock but fell down. The moral of this story is, “Don’t fly off the handle when you’re full of baloney!”

09 PM | 26 Feb

The burnt blonde!

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt. ‘Sit down and tell me how it happened,’ said the doctor.

‘Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!’

‘Okay, I see…But that’s one ear – what about the other?’

‘They called again!!’

11 AM | 15 Feb

Heartburn

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, “Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.” The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.”Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy”, again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, “Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.”Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, “Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tits are hanging in the ashtray.”

05 PM | 11 Feb

Names in a Gay Bar

A guy walks into a bar … once inside, he realizes it’s a gay bar, but he decides, ‘What the heck, I really want a drink.’So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, ‘What’s the name of your penis?’The guy says, ‘Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.’The gay bartender says, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, ‘Hey bud, what’s the name of your penis?’ The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, ‘TIMEX.’The guy asks, ‘Why Timex?’ The fella proudly replies, ‘Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’!’A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, ‘So, what do you call your penis?’ The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, ‘FORD, because quality is Job 1’, he then ads, ‘Have you driven a Ford lately?’Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, ‘The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer.’The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, ‘Why secret?’The guy says, ‘because it’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman!’