04 PM | 19 Aug

There was a red head, a burnet, and a blonde….

There was a red head, a burnet, and a blonde.They ecscaped out of a german prison.The germans were chasing them so they desided to hide.The red head hid under the sheets, The burnet hid in a trash bag, and the blode hid in a potato sack.The germans poked the sheets and the red head said”MEOW”” and the germans said””its only a cat””.They poked the trash bag and the burnet said””WOOF”” and the germans said””its only a dog””.They poked the potato sack and the blonde said””potato

08 AM | 13 Feb

Posh & Becks

posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six > o’clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the

> Clifton

> Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.

>

> Posh turns to Becks and says: “David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!”

> to

> which Beckham replies “5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn’t.” So they

> shake

> hands on the bet and continue watching.

>

> Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.

> Beckham

> takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But she

> refuses.

> “I

> can’t take your money, David,” she says. “The truth is, I was cheating.

> I

> saw the five o’clock news, so I knew he was going to jump.”

>

> “No, babe, fair’s fair” says David. “That money is yours fair and

> square. I

> was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o’clock news, too. I

> just

> didn’t think he would do it again.”

08 AM | 26 Feb

Blonde Joke plus…

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”

The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry.”

Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: “Will it take ME?”

============

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous? 9) Is lighter fluid flammable? What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff? 7) Are knives sharp? 6) Can sharks hurt a human? 5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium? 4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall? 3) Can I go through a brick wall? 2) Can dogs talk? 1) Are blondes really dumb?

08 PM | 09 Feb

Lost Sneakers

A guy stops by to visit his friend. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, “My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go upstairs and get me my sneakers please?”

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend’s daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says, “Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have anal sex with you.”

They stare at him and say, “That can’t be!” He replies, “OK, let’s check!” He shouts at his friend down the stairs, “Both of them?”

The father shouts back, “Yes, both of them!”

03 AM | 15 Feb

Chicken

Walking into the bar, Mike said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman.”

“Oh yeah?” said Greg “And how did this one end?”

“When it was over,” Mike replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”

“Really? Now that’s a switch! What did she say?”

“She said, come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit.”

Submitted by Curtis

05 PM | 11 Feb

Names in a Gay Bar

A guy walks into a bar … once inside, he realizes it’s a gay bar, but he decides, ‘What the heck, I really want a drink.’So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, ‘What’s the name of your penis?’The guy says, ‘Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.’The gay bartender says, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, ‘Hey bud, what’s the name of your penis?’ The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, ‘TIMEX.’The guy asks, ‘Why Timex?’ The fella proudly replies, ‘Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’!’A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, ‘So, what do you call your penis?’ The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, ‘FORD, because quality is Job 1’, he then ads, ‘Have you driven a Ford lately?’Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, ‘The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer.’The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, ‘Why secret?’The guy says, ‘because it’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman!’

08 PM | 09 Feb

Public Relations

“Darling,” murmured the girl to her boyfriend, “when did you first realize that you were in love with me?”

“Well, I suppose..” whispered the man tenderly, “it was when I started getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a lousy lay.”