01 AM | 21 Feb

Psychic Frogs Network

A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” replies his Advisor, “in her biology class.”

02 AM | 13 Feb

The Top 17 Headlines in Animal Newspapers (Part II)

17> American Kennel Club Approves “Freedom Poodle” Name Change

16> Father of 12 Charged With Eating Children

15> Local Dingo Breaks World Record in Baby-Eating Competition

14> Teens Most Likely to Become Roadkill; Elderly Close Second

13> Fluffy Accused of “Going Outside the Box”

12> Tiger Dominates Masters, Arrested at Dinner

11> President Claims: “I Did Not Have Sex With That Leg”

10> Elephants Denied Vote in Democratic Primary

9> MASTER RETURNS! Abandoned Rover Excited, Hungry

8> Roy Attacker: “Evil Dictator Had to Go”

7> Authorities Question Siamese Immigrant as Koi-Pond Murder Spree Enters Third Week

6> Farmer Jones to Mooove

5> Hundreds Injured in Slugville Salt Factory Explosion

4> Countless Canines Defrauded in Fake Ball-Throw Scam

3> REX BAD! (Page 14)

2> Siamese Cats Separated

1> Chinese Soccer Team Scandal: Shih Tzu Hits Fan

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

11 PM | 13 Feb

The Chicken Joke

A guy was sitting around his house watching TV when he realized he was pretty freakin horny. So he hoppped into his car and drove to his local bordello(whorehouse). When he arrived, he walked up to the madam and realized he only had a five dollar bill. He looked up pittifully at the madam and asked what he could get for five dollars. After a few moments of thought she replied that she would allow him to have his way with a chicken for five dollars. The man was infuriated and began to walk back to his car when the feeling hit him again. He turned promtly around and went back into the bordello(whorehouse). He agreed sheepishly to scronck the chicken. She directed him down the hall and into the third door on the left wherein stood the ususpecting chicken. The chicken bolted!–The man gave chase! After some time the man caught her by the neck.(it was a HER, this guy wasn’t a pervert or anything)He began to “do his thing” to the chicken. He did it hard!–He did it fast!–Feathers were flying!–Eyeballs were nearly popping out! The next morning the man woke up in his bed and went to work. All day, the chicken commanded his thoughts. Those legs. Those thighs. Those breasts. He bummed a five off his friend and drove directly to the bordello(whorehouse) after work. Walked to the madam handed her the five and asked for the chicken. She somberly told him that the chicken was dead and offered him a front row show with two gorgeous lesbians. He accepted and the madaam lead him down the hall and into the second door on the left where a man was already seated watching this spectacular show. The man sits down beside him and begins to view these two hot lesbians through this thick glass. Our man leans over and whispers to the guy: “Man, this is freakin awesome!” The man’s reply: “Dude, that ain’t nothin’, yesterday there was a guy in there screwin’ a chicken.”

05 AM | 17 Feb

Donkey’s Will Kill U

A guy with a donkey walked up to a psychic and asked about his future. The psychic said, “when your donkey farts 3 times you will die.”

So the man walked along with his donkey and the donkey farted.

The man said” Oh no donkey you mustn’t fart again”.

So they kept on walking and the donkey farted again.

The man said “I can’t take another chance with this”.

So the man then shoved a cork up the donkey’s buttocks. Then the man felt relieved so they continued walking. The donkey farted yet again, sending the cork flying. The cork hit the man’s head with such speed that he was killed instantly.

08 PM | 16 Feb

Animals in a Restaurant

There’s these animals in a restaurant. The waiter comes over at the end of the night …

The skunk says ‘Don’t look at me, I haven’t got a scent’

The duck says ‘Just put it on my bill’

The cow says ‘You’ll have to ask one of the udders’

The deer says ‘I had a buck last week and I’m expecting a little doe soon’

The giraffe says ‘Well, I guess the high balls are on me then’

03 PM | 17 Feb

Insulting Parrot

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ”Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. “Hey, lady!” it said.

“Yes?”

“You know.”